Spilling My Guts

This is a looong post. Well, I’m supposed to be a writer, so… what the hell. It’s also very, VERY personal. I’m feeling the need, so here goes…

I report to Orange Coast Hospital in Fountain Valley tomorrow at 11, for a very big surgery. I am told that it will be about 7 hours in duration, and that… it could put me back at 100%. I refuse to even consider the flipside… what could go wrong. I’ve not been near 100% for years now, and just the thought of THAT –of being able to run with my pups on the beach—has me very excited.

9 years ago, I started on a “journey,” one that revolves around narcotics pain killers. I’ve absolutely needed them at times, and at other times… took them when I didn’t “need” them. I can’t –and won’t—blame anyone or anything other than myself, for the mess that my life largely became over these 9 years, as it was MY choice to continue taking these drugs –and to make the other decisions I’ve made—but I can clearly see now the influence narcotics have had in leading to my homelessness, poverty, isolation, depression, and probably… continued pain and illness. With all of you as my witnesses, I hereby pledge, that my recovery from this surgery, is going to include RECOVERY in all areas of my life. And THAT includes forsaking narcotics for a healthy, natural approach to healing and to life –revolving around Kratom and other alternatives– to dealing with any pain going forward.

This past 9 years hasn’t been all bad. I’ve continued to have some amazing adventures, had formed some pretty cool relationships, and realized some decent successes. But… I’ve seen that come and go, and come and go, and come and go. And truly, I’m exhausted by the cycle. Yes, life is indeed ALWAYS ups-and-downs, but it doesn’t any longer need to be lived to this extent of extremes. So, it’s time to start over… To enjoy and appreciate the home I have at least for now, and more than anything –and you all know how crazy I am about this—to love and appreciate my beloved pups, Ramone & GoGo & Eos.

If you’ve followed my social media rants as of late, you’ve seen me write quite a bit about being alone, about “isolation.” I used to brag that I had more good friends than anyone had a right to. I saw that largely fall away over these past few years. I guess that people just got tired of the “oh, it’s more of the same ‘ol thing with Rick.” I can’t say I blame them. The little remaining “family” I have, at least in the sense that word connotes… is gone. But, because I was motivated to write this message, I realize I am not alone. Many of you have reached out in the past few days, with genuine expressions –and real demonstrations– of support, and… that outreach has touched me. THANK YOU. If you don’t already know this, I want you to know this now, emphatically and without reservation… if there is ANYTHING I can do for you, so long as it’s in my power to do so, than I am here for YOU.

I pledge also to again become that “fun” and “interesting” guy to hang around with. I believe I will come out of this surgery at 100%. And (finally!) get my autobiography, “Little Big Man,” released. And watch it go to #1 on the Amazon and NY Times bestsellers lists. And realize my “grown-up goal” –which at 54 is long overdue—of successfully raising donations to move the Linda Blair Worldheart Foundation to Central California, and to have the facilities, staffing and resources Linda and the Foundation so richly deserve. And move there, and help to run it. To put my new “company,” “I Rescue Dogs and People,” on solid footing, and to make a real difference in the lives of as many people as possible, who themselves are looking for a new start. And just because I’ll always have a little crazy in me –and providing I come out of surgery strong—to take a shot at breaking the world bench press record for my weight and age class (308 lbs. I can do it!)

At the very least, I pledge to create a solid foundation to live a life not fraught with the extreme ups and downs I’ve created for myself these past 9 years.

I’ve just finished my preparation for the night. Candles, uplifting music, meditation. ALL positive thoughts. And puppies!

Providing I’m up for it, I will try to post an update after surgery. Regardless of whether or not I am able to do this over these coming days, I want you all to know how much I genuinely appreciate your support, and that you are all in my positive thoughts.

Rick

(p.s. after tomorrow, I plan to be way more the guy in the first photo. But either way… with my babies always)