LOVE

Love.  Damn.  To have it, to own it, there is truly nothing better.  At times, it hurts, I want it so bad.  Badly.  And I know that when I force these things, I just fuck it up.  So, blessedly, most of the time…I’m just fine on my own.  But there’s so much love inside of me, I feel like my whole being is going to explode.  The touch.  Just to hold on tight, and feel like you never want to let one another go. To feel  that way, and to know the other feels that way too.  Perfection.  Is anything else ever needed in that moment?  The kiss that says it all, and leaves you/me not needing to say a word.  God, to have that.  I know cerebrally that I’m all I should “need.”  That another never makes you whole. That I must be whole first, before I can be all in, truly ALL IN,  with another.  And before she can be good with me.  Why then are there times I feel such a HUGE hole in my heart.  My soul.  My being.  Is it the red wine?  The candles I’ve lit for myself?  The Cure blasting over my right shoulder?  It makes me want to cry.  But mostly –thankfully—checking myself.  Finding my strength.  Knowing that all is okay.  That I am okay.  To understand that I am open to all yet attached to nothing.  To know that next time, IT WILL BE REAL.

To love.  Ah, to love…